i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
