so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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