So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
