i think my tv is drunk
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
