if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
