So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it's like iHOP with fire
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
