you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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