I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
