I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
