Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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