East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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