just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
