theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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