I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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