Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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