Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
