she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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