all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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