if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
