Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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