in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
