And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
