I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
