he thought i was a dude.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
