just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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