my mouth tastes like poor choices
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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