I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
