I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
