Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
