I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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