you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
