I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
