just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
