I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
