you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
