I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
