Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
