frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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