And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
