there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
