So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
