Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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