If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
