they need to just BURY HIM!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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