it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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