I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We talked him into tasing himself.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
