i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
