My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
