Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I AM VODKA MAN
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
