I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
